Page images
PDF
EPUB

side. At every bock, he shot out his ghosts at night to look at-it's, howneck and open mouth, as if he would ever, a pretty sight to see them.—But hae swallow't the sun out o' the fire there are many other places besides mament. Lordsake, what a creigh- yon burying ground very comfortable ling the creature made, raxing and in Paris. The coffee-room oʻa'ithers hadding its sides. Its man was obli- that I thought the most sae, was ane ged to grip it by the tail, for fear it at the Luxemburgh-and the vin ordia would hae loupen out the ship in its nair is excellent, only fifteen pence the desperation. But a' was nothing to Pa- bottle-pleasure's very cheap, tor which ris. Lordsake, but yon is a whirligig- cause so many of our countrymen go place; a' the folk are daft, and they yonder. They repute that more than mak every body sae that gangs there. fifty thousand English souls are at this At our tabledot fifty-eight dined eve- time in Paris.--But I'm sure I wonder ry day; twenty were Glasgow folk, what they see at the French-a whira very extraordinar thing; we sang ligig set of deevils—nae stability in Great George is King, wi' hands cleekit them—and Lordsake what a clatter after dinner. The French thought we the bodies hae—no end, nor method were mad, but we were very civil to either, in their discourse—and nothing them, and after the King's health we cordial and sincere about them--their drank auld Loui, and had Henry Qua- friendship’s but lip-deep like their tre. But the cookery was damn’d bad cookery, it has nae fusion in't-a’shew. they don't know how to cook yonder- Ye canna cut and come again on their they have no gout-they boil the meat kindness—but the bodies hae a ceivil to tavers, and mak sauce o' the brue to way with them for a' that, and it's no other dishes--they have nothing sa- possible to be angry at their parleyvoury or solid-but for a' that they are voos.-Istaid three weeks amang thein, desperate eaters-Lordsake what trash and hae nae reason to complain—but it is they eat; I have seen them sit- it's just a miracle to see how the creating at their supper, with their yellow tures can gab and eat, ye would think faces, like puddocks round a plate, they hadna got a wholesome meal o' crunching custocks.—There can be nae meat a' their days before, and that comfort in yon way o' living—They their tongues were just loosened by a breakfast in public coffee-rooms, and thaw; their words come running out spend a' the day as if they had no- o' their mouths like a burn at beltane: thing to do, and their nights in that they hae no end.—Unless ye can speak hell-upon-yearth the Palace Royal - French, ye ken nae mair what they Lordsake yon is an awfu' place! I was hae been saying when they are done, just terrified to gie a keek in-for a' than when they began." that, I tried to see every thing, But “But, Doctor," said we, “how did if ye take away the palaces and other you find public opinion ? What state public buildings, there's naething to are the Bonapartists in ? Chop-fallen, be seen in Paris-a filthy town-ye no doubt.” might crack a whip out o' ae window “ Confoundit moudiwarts !- They intil anither in the house fornent durst na shew their snouts where i But for a' that the French have some was. Thumourts, that would sook the clever points of character-their silks blood o' auld honest Loui's cocks and are very extraordinar, and really very hens.—But a's loyalty yonder no). cheap—But I didna smuggle ony, be- The jacobin trade's clean up and dishcause I had nae need.-But in their ed. They're a' broken-gane to pigs churches the villany of man was ma- and whistles—like the Whigs amang nifest; it wasna that ony body was oursels.” there ; the priests said their ridiculous “ That may be the case at present, paternosters in a manner to themselves; Doctor, but when the King dies they had nae hearers, so the villany of “ The King dee! Yòn's a hale and man was clear in the sin of omis- gausy carle-meat-like and claith-like sion.--Heaven knows what will come aiblins now and then fashed wi' a o' them when they die-they ken nae- bit gimbletting o' the gout in his thing of the Lord, but a deal o' the muckle-tae-but what o' that! I hae't deevil—and yet yon Peer la Shaize is a whiles mysel, and ne'er a prin the war very beautiful place, adorned with o't. Na, na !-there's nae dead-ill flowers. They have flowers in glass about Loui. Lord-sake, Kit, what boxes on some head-stones for the gars you think that fat folk are mair death-like than skinny deevils like eyes were pistols.

« Gruel and purge yoursel. It may be in het summer is a' that yon gabby creatures ken o’ weather, like the day, we're obliged hospitality.” to thole mair; but flesh is no an ill This ingenious observation naturaleleeding for the banes in winter. Dinna ly led us to think of the state of science even ony o' your momento more's to in France, a topic which the Edinthe like o' Loui and me, Kit;-as lang burgh Review has lately handled with as we baith can eat and drink as we so much ability. hae done, a snuff o' tobacco for death. " Science !” exclaimed the Doctor. Na, na! Depend upon't, Kit, Loui “ Gin clokleddies and bumbees, wil will wag his staff at the auld loon, and prins in their tails, be science, atweel gar kim chatter his hungry rat-trap there's an abundance oʻthat at the teeth, without a morsel, for many à Garden of Plants ;—but the elephant day to coine yet. As for a squabash yonder is really a priine beast, and wlien he does kick; wha's to make it?' has sic comical cunning een, I dinna Lord-sake, man, but ye hae got in the wonder at philosophy making a pet o Blues, Kit, sin' I hae been awa'. the creature-just, Kit, as ye do o' Come, cheer up my lad—any game But, two tailors, * as the French frae the Thane this time? Whan's say,-bide till I get my Journal ready the haunch expectit? No cossnent for the press-naething for the Magawork, ye ken, for me-no supper no zine till then-so hae done wi' your song, Kit—that's my wayo't. – Deevil's pumping, and let's see what ye bae in the man, would he no hae fat folk been doing in my absence—what sort to live ?"

o' deevilry hae ye got about the Coro“ Why, Doctor, we thought that nation?" In saying which words, the the hospitality with which you were Doctor took up the fifty-fourth mumentertained in France and England, ber, and we resumed the business on would serve for one season n?"

which we had been in conclave before “ Hospi—what, in France ?” cried his arrival. the Odontist, looking at us as if his

* Our worthy friend's mode of pronouncing tout a' l'heure.

me.

EXPOSTULATION WITH MR BARKER.
Mr Editor,

chinno to do? Alderman Wood is in It is some months since Mr Barker Germany. -Sir Robert Wilson is quiet. promised me a fit butt for the exer- -I hear of no new tragedies. So in eise of my wit, in the second part of this dearth of sportive matter, would his Aristarchus Anti-Bloomfieldianus, it not be kind in him of Thes. to give and as yet I have not heard of it. Is us something? Does he suspect that, he afraid ? - Forbid it all ye gods who like his namesake Anubis-latrator, preside over lexicographers !

Anubis -- he is overmatehed in fight, I entreat him to come forward. I and will go forth but to be beaten have nothing now to laugh at. John Let him be comforted. Well does he Gilpin the second-Waithman the know that equestrian draper, with his horse performing the ainazing, the soul-appal

“ Victrix causa diis placuit, sed victa Ca

toni,'' ling feats of springing up the dire ascent of the causeway, and then with and, at all events, by coming forward, desperate valour plunging down again, he will conduce to the great causesupplied me for a day but that is the promotion of laughter-and to the past. His letter, in which, (not con- worship of Momus, the most delighttent with breaking the head of a sol- ful of all the deities. dier,) he utterly demolished the pate

I am, Sir, of our old frieаd Priscian, furnished

Yours sincerely, mirthful emotion for another;-that

A CONSTANT READER, day also is swallowed in the stream of London, Sept. 3, 1821. time. What is a petulanti splene cua

FAMILIAR EPISTIES TO CHRISTOPHER NORTH,
FROM AN OLD FRIEND WITH A NEW FACE.

LETTER III.
On the Personalities of the Whigs,—and the Outcry aguinsl Magr.
My dear Kit.

down in Parliament, cuffed and kickBefore leaving England, I must ed, and sent yelping and yelling from have a few words with yourself. I do every place of selitious exhortation, not understand why you submit thus there are particular personages among tamely to the misrepresentations, not them that verily have not yet received of foes, but of friends. That you their reward. I allude to those who should laugh at the outcry of those first set the example of personal at“poor, weak, and despised old” crea- tacks, and who now so bitterly weep tures the Whigs, and treat with con- and wail, and go about wringing their tempt the savage whoop and howl of hands, at finding their own weapous the Radicals, does not surprise me; turned with such energy against them but that you endure so patiently " that selves. I allude particularly to the early dreadful pother” about personalities, writers in the Edinburgh Review, and with which some of “those who should to the correspondents of the Morning be ours" so effectually back the ene- Chronicle.-Of course I do not mean my, is, I confess, beyond my compre- to say, that Messrs Jeffrey and Perry hension. It is full time that you should are themselves dealers in detraction; let these pluckless Tories know the but were I in your shoes, knowing truth ; and that what their feeble and what I know-how these pretty bedeluded senses have been taught to haved gentlemen turn aside their heads, consider as personalities, are nothing and spread out their hands in horror more than the unavoidable effect of ri- and aversion at the very sight of the dicule, cleverly and justly applied. Magazine, I would

is tickle their I wish also to set you and these catastrophes,”-I would lay any eight faint-hearted gentry right in other re- volumes of “the blue and yellow caspects. Those who call themselves lamity” under contribution, and take the Tories, have but little merit in that any four or five files of the Chronianiversal exposure of Whig preten- cle for the last thirty years, and with sions and practices, which has execu- page, and day and date, dare them to ted justice so completely on the par- match froin your pages the base and ty. As to the discomfiture of their li- merciless ribaldry with which these terary expectants, you have fought virulent journals have assailed every the battle, especially in Edinburgh, political opponent who, either by ofwhere the reviewers have been driven fice or title-page, could be pointed out from the field, and the Review itself as an object of derision. sent a-begging among the drivellers of But “ two blacks will never make Cockaigne. But, with regard to the a white,” say your pluckless friends, party in general, the merit of their those pouncet boxes of the Court, who degradation, after their own bankrupt- affect such delicate feelings of honour, cy of character, is greatly due to Cob- --such a skinless sensibility to every bet and the Radicals. It was his rotten thing personal; " and, therefore, Mr bugs, and their brick-bats, which re- North, we dislike the freedom you have duced them to the shivering and shat- taken with private characters. It is very tered plight that has rendered them wrong, and very coarse, we cannot now almost objects of compassion,-if approve of you in that respect.” O compassion, or indeed any sentiment dear !-who the devil cares whether of pity, could possibly be felt towards such feeble and ineffectual fractions of a fraternity which exulted at every intellect and spirit as they are, either occurrence of national distress, in our approve or disapprove of your avengreatest peril, and triumphed at the mi- ging career ? Let them be thankful series which they themselves so large- that they are allowed to follow in ly eontributed to inflict on individuals. the wake of your course; and let them Still, however, though they have been know, that merely on account of their hissed and hooted from common-halls moral insignificance, they are permitand bustings,—though they have been ted so to do. It is necessary, and inpelted out of Palace-Yard, coughed deed unavoidable, that to all parties

[ocr errors][ocr errors]

there should be attached a multitude case, when it is well known they are
of silly creatures. The Whigs have utterly ignorant of the true nature of
many such, and the Karlicals out-num- the things at which they affect to be
ber them a thousand fold; but neither so disturbed? The nerveless creatures
the “ Master Slenders” of the one, nor are afraid to look into your pages,
the “ Bottoms” of the other, are in which they strangely conceive spare
any degree so truly contemptible as neither the infirmities nor the appear-
a Tory of the Polonius kind, especially ance of age or sex, and of course what
when he declaims about personalities. they say is as ridiculous as it is un-
Why, the poor things themselves live founded. Private personalities you have
by personalities, there is not a neigh- ever avoided ; but to be accused of
bour's character or qualities unspa- such paltry tattling, by those who
red by their little malice. They can- practise nothing else, when you have
not indeed sting like scorpions ; but so studiously confined yourself to pub-
the fault is nature's that made them lic conduct and character, is perhaps
60 harmless. They only defile what one of the things to which, from the
they can neither wound nor destroy. beginning, you considered yourself as
A 'l'ory of this class, is indeed a being necessarily exposed. But these poor
infinitely contemptible, even as a man. souls are the deluded and unconscious
Heis, or rather it is generally, about the tools of the Whigs, who know so well
age of three-score, with an endeavour the effect of clamour and outcry; and
to be youthy and elegant, an endea- who, from a sinister principle, never
your which its lean shanks and faulter- read any thing written against them-
ing joints partly assist. It has the selves, that they may be able, as it were,
smallest possible ideas on every subject with a clear conscience, to declare with
of public opinion.-It shuns the ad- some shew of truth, but virtually in
versaries of its party, as if they were effect with falsehood, that the matter
hydras and chimeras.— It becomes and manner of the attack is such, that
nervous and irritable at the slightest it would be unworthy-honourable
indication of opposition to its senti- men-even to notice, far less to an-
ments with regard to matters of taste. swer it.
In all its habits it is petty and puerile. Let me, however, not be misunder-
Like Justice Shallow, it boasts of the stood. I do not advise you to imitate
imbecile pranks and brawlsof its youth, the Whigs in abusing the talents and
and the revellers it would set in the characters of your political adversaries,
stocks, or those who grow riotous with and, after you have provoked their re-
ale, instead of champaign and claret. sentment, to supplicate and implore
Is it, Christopher, by such beings the by-standers to assist you in de-
as this that you subinit to be lec- fending yourself. Nor would I at all
tured ? Up with your crutch, and recommend that you should drag into
knock him down. The fact is, that notoriety any of those poor genteel re-
such creatures belong to no party: they tainers of your own party, merely be-
have happened to attach themselves to cause they have been shocked at the
yours, because they thought it the fists and attitudes which you have
genteelest ; for they have no concep- sometimes shewn to the rabble rout of
tion of what is great or honourable, your promiscuous assailants,-I only
but only of what is genteel. Perhaps, wish that, in the first place, you would
however, your silence with respect to shew from the Whig writers, the sort
them, proceeds from your contempt of personalities in which they have
for their influence and understand- themselves dealt for the last thirty
ings? Be it so,-but then declare the years; and, in the second place, that
fact. Do not allow it to be any longer you should contrast with their libel-
imagined, that you are disposed to lous and systematic misrepresentations,
abate one jot of your wonted anti- the temperance of the retribution you
pathy to pretension and insolence, on have administered.
account of the cry which the Whigs I only wish you to compare the quiet
make against your retaliation their progress of your own garden chair,
personalities. Above all, do not allow the gentle turns that you take among
those feeble and shaking headed Tories your flowers, raising here the modest
to believe that you value their good and drooping blossom, and pruning
or ill opinion one stiver. What in- there, with a discreet and skilful hand,
deed is the worth of their opinion at the overgrown briar, that chokes the
any time, but more especially in your growth of useful berba, and, with its

[ocr errors]

rank and nolsome luxuriance, cumbers and due veneration for the language and exhausts the ground. In a word, and imagery

of the Bible, which the to compare the progress of “ The Mao friends of religion ever wish to cherish. gazine" with “ 'The Review," where, The language and imageryofthe“Chalas in a rattling and raging chariot, the dee MS.” furnished the Whigs with an whole genius of the Whigs, likeamany- opportunity to irritate the pious feelheaded Hindoo idol, careered for a time ings of this respectable class; and acso triumphantly. From afar the pe- cordingly, while they were obliged to riodical coming forth of this literary acknowledge the ability displayed in the Jauggernaut was hailed with amazé- article, they insinuated that it was ment and worship. The infidel vota- conceived in a spirit of derogatory prories of philosophy, and taste, and "sci- faneness. This was mighty well on ence, falsely so called,” rushed like fa- the part of those who had been for natics, and sacrificed themselves be- years sneering, not merely at the forms neath the wheels. But its oracles and of devotional expression, but at reliits predictions, in every instance falsifi- gion itself. The bait, however, took ; ed, gradually begot suspicions of the and immediately a number of those pretensions of the priesthood, whose who would otherwise perhaps never tricks and devices were discovered have thought at all upon the subject, through the veil and vapour of the in- were seized with a pious horror, at the cense, which the shallow, the heartless, idea of the language of Scripture being and the interested burned in adulation perverted. This was not all;~in the of the god. Ademand arose for the vouch- « Chaldee MS.” several descriptive ers of their miraculous pretensions. It touches of personal defects and infirmcould not be answered. A clamorous ities had unfortunately been introdumultitude beset the temple. The servi- ced. These were perhaps in some cases tors trembled and secretly betook them- necessary, to make out characters selves, one by one, to other avocations. which had no features or qualities by The high-priest attempted more than which they could be otherwise distinonce to fly the sanctuary, but the guished. The offence was harmless, and golden chain was as often strengthen- the jocular spirit in which the whole ed to bind him faster than ever to the article was written, ought to have proaltar. At last the brazen doors were tected it from the charge of malice or ill burst open, the profane vulgar rushed nature. But the Whigs availed themin, and beheld, with open-mouthed selves of those few playful strictures on astonishment, that the divinity to appearance, and still more vehemently which they had offered up the sacri- than they could venture to do on the fices of their understandings, and im- parody of Scripture language (for they plored the acceptance of their hearts were conscious of the liberties they had and heads, was in reality but a sense- theniselves taken with religion) and they less image set up for sinister purposes, declaimed against them, as examples of adorned and augmented for a political an unheard of licentiousness, just as end, by many who were perfectly well if the world had never seen the Whig aware of the mean and insignificant caricatures of the bodily peculiarities materials of which it had been con- of some of the greatest men of the structed.

age. Thus, in two things of themAt the publication of the “Chaldee selves really insignificant, the strucMS.” the cunning spirit of the Whigs ture of the language in which the story saw that perliaps, by a dextrous ma- of the “Chaldee MS.”was told, and the nagement of the affections and pre- incklental allusion to two or three perjudices of the very class whom they sonal peculiarities--a foundation was had so reviled and insulted, the tables laid with one class of the friends of good wight be turned against you. They order, to condemn the tendency of the knew that among the friends of the whole Magazine, and with another, Magazine were inany highly respect- to blame the course it had chosen as able characters, persons of great prin ungentlemanly. But, now when the vate worth, who possessed by their feelings thus foinenteu have subsided, virtues an extensive influence in so- it must be allowed that the “ Chaldee ciety, and who, without any literary MS." contains nothing to offend any predilections, and uninformed with res principle, or excite any sentiment at spect to the free and sportive humour variance with goodl-humoured liilariof the age, entertained that profound ty and banter. This at the time . Vol. X.

2 E

« PreviousContinue »