262 CHESS IS TOO GRAVE A GAME FOR ME. thing at a time, and that not according to it, but according to her self. Things in respect to themselves, have peradventure their weight, measures and conditions; but when we once take them into us, the soul forms them as she pleases. Death is terrible to Cicero, coveted by Cato, and indifferent to Socrates. Health, conscience, authority, knowledge, riches, beauty, and their contraries, do all strip themselves at their entering into us, and receive a new robe, and of another fashion, from every distinct soul, and of what colour, brown, bright, green, dark; and quality, sharp, sweet, deep, or superficial, as best pleases them, for they are not yet agreed upon any common standard of forms, rules, or proceedings; every one is a queen in her own dominions. Let us therefore no more excuse our selves upon the external qualities of things, it belongs to us to give our selves an account of them. Our good or ill, has no other dependence but on our selves. 'Tis there that our offerings and our vows are due, and not to fortune: she has no power over our manners, on the contrary, they draw, and make her follow in their train, and cast her in their own mould. Why should not I censure Alexander, roaring and drinking at the prodigious rate he sometimes us'd to do? Or, if he plaid at chess, what string of his soul was not touch'd by this idle and childish game? I hate and avoid it, because it is not play enough, that it is too grave and serious a diversion, and I am asham'd to lay out as much thought and study upon that, as would serve to much better uses. He did not more pump his brains about his glorious expedition into the Indies; and another that I will not name, took not more pains to unravel a passage, upon which depends the safety of all mankind. To what a degree then does this ridiculous diversion molest the soul, when all her faculties shall be summon'd together upon this trivial account? And how fair an opportunity she herein gives every one to know, and to make a right judgment of himself? I do not more thoroughly sift myself in any other posture, than this. What passion are we exempted from in this insignificant game? anger, spite, malice, impatience, and a vehement desire of getting the better in a concern, wherein it were more excusable, to be ambitious of being overcome: for to be eminent, and to excel above the common rate in frivolous things, is nothing graceful in a man of quality and honour. What I say in this example, may be said in all others. Every particle, every employment of man, does exalt or accuse him, equally with any other. Democritus and Heraclitus were two philosophers, of which, the first finding human condition ridiculous and vain, never appear'd abroad, but with a jeering and laughing countenance: whereas Heraclitus commiserating that condition of ours appear'd always with a sorrowful look, and tears in his eyes. alter Ridebat quoties à limine moverat unum Protuleratque pedem, flebat contrarius alter.-Juven. Sat. 19 One always, when he o'er his threshold stept, I am clearly for the first humour; not because it is more pleasant to laugh, than to weep; but because it is ruder, and expresses more contempt, than the other; because I think we can never be sufficiently despis'd to our desert. Compassion and bewailing, seem to employ some esteem of, and value for the thing bemoan'd: whereas the things we laugh at, are by that exprest to be of no moment or repute. I do not think that we are so unhappy, as we are vain, or have in us so much malice, as folly; we are not so full of mischief, as inanity: nor so miserable, as we are vile and mean. And therefore Diogenes, who past away his time in rowling himself in his tub, and made nothing of the Great Alexander, esteeming us no better than flies, or bladders puft up with wind, was a sharper, and more penetrating, and consequently in my opinion, a juster judge, than Timon sirnam'd the man hater; for what a man hates he lays to heart: this last was an enemy to all mankind, did positively desire our ruine, and avoided our conversation as dangerous, proceeding from wicked and deprav'd natures; the other valued us so little, that we could neither trouble, nor infect him by our contagion; and left us to herd with one another, not out of fear, but contempt of our society: concluding us as incapable of doing good, as ill. Of the same strain was Statilius his answer, when Brutus courted him into the conspiracy against Cæsar : he was satisfied that the enterprize was just; but he did not think mankind so considerable, as to deserve a wise man's concern: according to the doctrine of Hegesias; who said, “That a wise man ought to do nothing but for himself, forasmuch as he only was worthy of it:" and to the saying of Theodorus, "that it was not reasonable a wise man should hazard himself for his country, and endanger wisdom, for a company of fools." Our condition is as ridiculous, as risible. CHAP. LI.—OF THE VANIty of Words. A RHETORICIAN of times past, said, that to make little things appear great, was his profession. This is a shooc-maker, who can make a great shooe for a little foot. They would in Sparta have sent such a fellow to be whip'd, for making profession of a lying and deceitful art: and I fancie, that Archidamus who was king of that country, was a little surpris'd at the answer of Thucydides, when enquiring of him, which was the better wrestler, Pericles, or he; he reply'd, that it was hard to affirm; "for when I have thrown him," said he, "he always perswades the spectators, that he had no fall, and carries away the prize." 264 FLOCUTION LEADS TO THE PATH OF EMINENCE. They who paint, pounce and plaister up the ruins of women, filling up their wrinckles and deformities, are less to blame; because it is no great matter, whether we see them in their natural complexions, or no. Whereas these make it their business to deceive not our sight only, but our judgments, and to adulterate and corrupt the very essence of things. The republicks that have maintain'd themselves in a regular and well modell'd government, such as those of Lacedæmon and Crete, had orators in no very great esteem. Aristo did wisely define Rhetorick to be a science to perswade the people; Socrates and Plato, an art to flatter and deceive. And those who deny it in the general description, verifie it throughout in their precepts. The Mahometans will not suffer their children to be instructed in it, as being useless, and the Athenians perceiving of how pernicious consequence the practice of it was, it being in their city of universal esteem, order'd the principal part, which is to move affections, with their exordiums and perorations, to be taken away. 'Tis an engine invented, to manage and govern a disorderly and tumultuous rabble, and that never is made use of but like physick to the sick, in the paroxisms of a discompos'd estate. In those, where the vulgar, or the ignorant, or both together, have been all powerful, and able to give the law, as in those of Athens, Rhodes and Rome, and where the publick affairs have been in a continual tempest of commotion, to such places have the oraters always repair'd. And in truth, we shall find few persons in those republicks, who have push'd their fortunes to any great degree of eminence, without the assistance of elocution: Pompey, Cæsar, Crassus, Lucullus, Lentulus and Metellus, have thence taken their chiefest spring to mount to that degree of authority, to which they did at last arrive: inaking it of greater use to them, than arms, contrary to the opinion of better times. For L. Volumnius speaking publickly in favour of the election of Q. Fabius, and Pub. Decius, to the consular dignity: "these are men," said he, "born for war, and great in execution, in the combat of the tongue altogether to seek; spirits truly consular. The subtle, eloquent and learned, are only good for the city, to make prætors of, to administer justice." Eloquence flourished most at Rome, when the publick affairs were in the worst condition, and the republick most disquieted with intestine commotions, as a rank and untill'd soil bears the worst weeds. By which it should seem, that a monarchical government has less need of it, than any other: for the brutality, and facility, natural to the common people, and that render them subject to be turn'd and twin'd, and led by the ears, by this charming harmony of words, without weighing or considering the truth and reality of things by the force of reason: this facility, I say, is not easily found in a single person, and it is also more easie by good education and advice, to secure him from the impression of this poison. There was never any famous orator known to come out of Persia, or Macedon, I have entred into this discourse upon the occasion of an Italian I lately receiv'd into my service, and who was clerk of the kitchen to the late Cardinal Caraffa till his death. I put this fellow upon an account of his office: where he fell to discourse of this palate-science, with such a settled countenance, and magisterial gravity, as if he had been handling some profound point of divinity. He made a learned distinction of the several sorts of appetites, of that a man has before he begins to eat, and of those after the second and third service: the means simply to satisfie the first, and then to raise and actuate the other two the ordering of the sauces, first in general, and then proceeded to the qualities of the ingredients, and their effects: the differences of sallets according to their seasons, which ought to be serv'd up hot, and which cold: the manner of their garnishment and decoration, to render them yet more acceptable to the eye? After which he entred upon the order of the whole service, full of weighty and important considerations. Nec minimo sane discrimine refert Quo gestu lepores, et quo gallina secetur.-Juven. Sat. 5. How we a hare, and how a hen should carve. And all this set out with lofty and magnifick words; the very same we make use of, when we discourse of the regiment of an empire. Which learned lecture of my man, brought this of Terence into my memory. Hoc salsum est, hoc adustum est, hoc lautum est parum, Moneo quæ possum pro mea sapientia. Postremo tanquam in speculum, in patinas, Demea, Inspicere jubeo, et moneo quid facto usus sit. Ter. Adelp. Act. 3. Scæ. 5. This is too salt, this burnt, this is too plain, That's well, remember to do so again. Thus do I still advise to have things fit, According to the talent of my wit. And then my (Demea) I command my cook, As if it were a mirrer, and go on To order all things, as they should be done. And yet even the Greeks themselves did very much admire, and highly applaud the order and disposition that Paulus Æmilius observ'd in the feast he made them at his return from Macedon : but I do not here speak of effects, I speak of words only. I do not know whether it may have the same operation upon other men, that it has upon me: but when I hear our architects thunder out their bombast words of pilasters, 266 METONYMIES, METAPHORS, ALLEGORIES-GULLERIES. architraves and cornices, of the Corinthian and Dorick orders, and such like stuff, mymagination is presently possess'd with the palace of Apollidonius in Amadis de Gaule; when after all, I find them but the paltry pieces of my own kitchen door. And to hear men talk of Metonymies, Metaphors and Allegories, and other grammar words, would not a man think they signified some rare and exotick form of speaking? And this other is a gullery of the same stamp, to call the offices of our kingdom by the lofty titles of the Romans, though they have no similitude of function, and yet less authority and power. And this also, which I doubt will one day turn to the reproach of this age of ours, unworthily and indifferently to confer upon any we think fit, the most glorious Sir-names with which antiquity honour'd but one or two persons in several ages. Plato carried away the Sir-name of Divine, by so universal a consent, that never any one repin'd at it, or attempted to take it from him: and yet the Italians who pretend, and with good reason, to more sprightly wits, and sounder discourses, than the other nations of their times, have lately honour'd Aretine with the same title; in whose writings, save a tumid phrase, set out with smart periods, ingenious indeed, but far fetch'd, and fantastick, and the eloquence (be it what it will) I see nothing in him above the ordinary writers of his time, so far is he from approaching the ancient divinity. And we make nothing of giving the Sir-name of great to princes, that have nothing in them above a popular grandeur. CHAP. LII.-OF THE PARSIMONY OF THE ANCIENTS. ATILIUS REGULUS, general of the Roman army in Africk, in the height of all his glory and victories over the Carthaginians, wrote to the republick to acquaint them, that a certain hind he had left in trust with his whole estate, which was in all, but seven acres of land, was run away with all his instruments of husbandry, entreating therefore, that they would please to call him home, that he might take order in his own affairs, lest his wife and children should suffer by this disaster: whereupon the senate appointed another to manage his business, caus'd his losses to be made good, and order'd his family to be maintain❜d at the publick expence. The elder Cato returning consul from Spain, sold his horse of service, to save the money it would have cost in bringing him back by sea into Italy; and being governour of Sardignia, made all his visits on foot, without other train, than one officer of the republick, that carried his robe and a censer for sacrifices; and for the most part carried his mail himself. He bragg'd, that he had never worn a gown that cost above ten crowns, nor had ever sent above ten |