complaints as your sister's, as perspiration is in certain otner complaints. I would also recommend cold affusions. She cannot do much better than wash herself from head to foot all over in cold water every morning, and while engaged in this operation, I would recommend her to repeat the following incantation;

'May I wash away the imperfections of my character, as effectually as I am now washing away the impurities of my flesh. May I be as fearful of hurting other people by the motions of my tongue, as I am of hurting myself. May I be as careful not to trifle with other people's feelings or interests, as I am wishful that others should not trifle with mine.'

If she repeat this form till she properly understands it, and finds it sinking deep into her soul, there is reason to expect that it will have a good effect both upon her tongue in particular, and her moral constitution generally. I shall be glad to hear, after a few month's trial of this prescription, how it works. Your's respectfully, DR. ANIMARUM.

I have a friend who seems to me to be afflicted with the greedy worm. He never seems to think he has enough. He is worth eight or ten thousand pounds already, and yet he seems as eager after more as if he were starving for want. And he seems to have no idea of making a proper use of what he has. He does nothing in the way of spreading knowledge, of building schools, of instituting libraries, of reforming drunkards, or of helping the poor and famishing. He is, in fact, a regular grasp-all. And nothing seems to do him good. He is not a particle happier now, than he was when he had not a penny to call his own. If you could prescribe anything for him, that would do him good, you would very much oblige Your friend,

DEAR SIR,

PRESCRIPTION.

D. W.

Your friend's case is a very dangerous, if not a desperate one. I have known very few people indeed that have been cured of the greedy worm, when once the complaint has been allowed to reach a certain height. There is an account in a work called the CHRISTMAS CAROL, of a man named Scrooge being cured of this complaint, even when the

complaint had nearly eaten up his soul and body; but whether the account be matter of fact or matter of fiction, is matter of doubt with some. If anything will cure him, it will be the

following prescription.

First. Let him repeat the following incantation ;'What in the world is the use of money, unless it be doing good? And what right in the world has any one to pretend to be a rational creature, who does not make use of his money for this object? Is there no good wants doing in the world? Are all men as wise, and good, and happy as they ought to be? Are all men as wise, and good, and happy as they might be? Is there not a vast amount of ignorance and error, of vice and wretchedness which might be removed, if those who have the means of removing it, would do their duty? Might not I remove a great amount of ignorance and error, of vice and wretchedness, if I would make a proper use of my ten thousand pounds? Might I not help on the instruction of many neglected children? Might I not supply useful books to many poor young men? Might I not support a number of useful schools? Might I not aid in diffusing temperance principles, and in reclaiming my countrymen from the horrors and abominations of drunkenness? Am I not worse than a brute to be perpetually grasping after money, and never employing it for useful purposes? Am I not a monster, to be ever getting, and never employing; greedily grasping, and never communicating? What must rational people think of me, when they know my character? What shall I think of myself, when I come to see myself as others see me? Am I not even a murderer, if I have the means of saving the lives of the perishing, and refuse to employ those means in saving them? Am I not a destroyer of men's souls, if I have the means of rescuing them from ignorance and vice and ruin, and yet refuse to rescue them? Could the devil himself do worse, than greedily hunt after wealth and influence, and, when he had got it, hold it fast, and neither use it in doing good himself, nor allow others to have it to do good with? Fool, villain, inhuman and ungodly creature that I am, I shall deserve to be rebuked and condemned by every creature in God's rational universe, if I do not improve. And when shall I improve, if I do not improve just now? What shall I do to be saved?

Your friend should repeat this incantation over three or four times every day. He should repeat it before breakfast in the morning, and before dinner at midday: he should go out into the field and repeat it at dusk; and he should go inte

to

some secret place and repeat it at night, before going to bed. He should do this for five or six days. He ought then to take a little land, if there be any to let in his neighbourhood, and set all the unemployed poor people around him to work upon it, at fair and reasonable wages. He should so contrive, that the labour of those poor people many be such as will be likely prove productive, so that the land may yield, at the end of the year, sufficient, if possible, to pay the wages of the labourers. He ought next to purchase a quantity of good, plain, useful books in history, botany, astronomy, geography, grammar, politics, and other branches of useful science, and afford those who have the means of buying them, the opportunity of buying them at very low rates, so as to tempt them to spend their surplus money upon them. When he meets with people that cannot afford to buy them, he should lend or give them to such persons, as the case may render necessary. And he should always bestows his favours in such a manner as is best calculated to excite or to promote in those whom he befriends, both a respect for him, and a regard for the books to which he helps them. If he has the opportunity of engaging in some useful business, and of supplying other poor creatures with honest labour, thus furnishing them with the means of obtaining for themselves and their families a comfortable living, he will do well to embrace the opportunity. If he be a single man, a point to which you do not refer in your letter, I should recommend, whenever he meets with an intelligent, pure-minded and generous woman, that he make her an offer, and, if she has no objections, make her his wife. This will tend to lessen the power of the greedy-worm, by calling into exercise the higher and more generous principles of his nature, and thus promoting their health and vigor. Worms grow fastest on sickly plants, and they breed most abundantly in sickly animal bodies. Whatever tends therefore to improve the health of the plant or of the animal, tends also to destroy the worms, or to diminish their power, and check their growth. And whatever tends to promote the health and vigour of the spiritual and moral constitution, tends to destroy the power of any spiritual vermin that may have been engendered in the soul. But let your friend be careful, if he marries, to make use of his wife not as a getter merely, much less as a hoarder, but as a giver, a distributor, a general benefactress. It will not be essential for your brother to throw away the money that he has got in order to obtain a cure; all that will be necessary for him to do will be, to find out some rational and effectual plan of employing it in the service of his fellow

creatures, and to take care to follow that plan, in company with his wife, with steady and uninterrupted perseverance. I cannot promise an instant cure to your friend's complaint, but I can engage to effect a thorough cure in time, if my prescription be properly attended to. Your's respectfully,

DR. ANIMARUM.

CASE. No. 3.

DEAR SIR,

I have a friend who is not dangerously ill, but who is far from being well. He rambles very much in his talk. He begins a story, but before he has got a half a yard on with it, he commences two or three more; and he has not gone on far with them, before he begins with several others; and so he goes on, for half an hour together, and never finishes a single tale. Sometimes, when he is going on in this way, I ask him, 'But how did that other matter end?' calling him back, you know, to where he began at first. He replies, "O yes; I had forgot to tell you;' and then begins as if he was about to finish the first story, and give me satisfaction; when, lo and behold! he has not said twenty words, before he is off again in quite another direction. Do you think that the disease is an organic one, or is it merely incidental? If you could prescribe anything which would enable my friend to steady his tongue, and to keep it for the proper length of time pointed in one direction, you would very much oblige me, and benefit both my friend and others.

DEAR SIR,

Your's respectfully,

PRESCRIPTION.

W. K.

I should recommend your friend, whenever he is about to begin a tale, to take two grains of consideration, and three of determination, very strong; and, in case that does not work a cure, it would be well for him, whenever he next begins to tell a tale, to sit himself down in a bucket full of cold water, till he has finished it to the satisfaction of his hearers. If he finds that before he has finished the first story, he begins another, let him then put his head in the cold water, up to the neck, and keep it there as long as he possibly can, so as not entirely to extinguish life. If he still finds himself commencing three or four stories again at the same time, and finishing none of them, let him shut himself up in a dark room for a few hours every day for a fortnight.

I have known less than this cure some people of this complaint. I had a friend of my own that was sadly afflicted with it once, a young man, but I entirely cured him: but he took great pains with himself. When people are older, severer measures will be necessary; but in very few cases will the complaint prove incurable, provided the parties are always left to themselves a sufficient length of time after every exhibition of the symptoms of their complaint. I ought to say that no medicine will be likely to cure some who are afflicted with this complaint, unless their friends and relations leave them to themselves whenever the disorder shows itself in a violent form. You must always therefore leave your friend to his bucket of water and his dark room, whenever you see the attack coming on; and I have no doubt that he will ultimately experience relief.

Your's respectfully,

DR. ANIMARIUM.

A FEW OF THE FASHIONS FOR APRIL,

Bad ones.

To feed the full, and leave the empty to famish.

To give to those who have more than they need, and to withhold from those who have too little.

To help the strong who can help themselves, and leave the weak unhelped.

To visit the happy, and desert the sad.

To invite those people to feasts who have more than they can eat at home, and to shut out those who are starving.

To call a set of idlers, who live on the bread which others produce, respectable, honourable, &c., and to call the labourers who produce the bread, mean, low, and contemptible.

To patronise those who are successful, however ill-deserving they may be ; and to discourage and discountenance those who are beset with difficulties, however well-deserving they may be. To call the greatest thieves on earth Right Honourable; to take off your hats to them when you meet them, and say, Your servant, Sirs,' but to take a little thief and transport him, and occasionally to treat honest men as thieves.

To shut up little thieves in prisons, under a pretence of a hatred of dishonesty, but in truth for the purpose of diverting attention from themselves, the great thieves.

For the great thieves to join together to punish those who