How can we eat what is not eatable? Or how can we drink what is not drinkable? Or, as the law says, how can we think on what is not thinkable? Therefore, my Lord, as we are counsel in this cause for the bull, if the jury should bring the bull in guilty, the jury would be guilty of a bull."

The counsel for the boat observed, that the bull should be nonsuited, because, in his declaration, he had not specified what colour he was of; for thus wisely, and thus learnedly, spoke the counsel !" My Lord, if the bull was of no colour, he must be of some colour; and, if he was not of any colour, what colour could the bull be of?" I overruled this motion myself, by observing the bull was a white bull, and that white is no colour: besides, as I told my brethren, they should not trouble their heads to talk of colour in the law, for the law can colour any thing. This cause being afterwards left to a reference, upon the award both bull and boat were acquitted, it being proved, that the tide of the river carried them both away; upon which I gave it as my opinion, that, as the tide of the river carried both bull and boat away, both bull and boat had a good action against the water-bailiff.

My opinion being taken, an action was issued, and, upon the traverse, this point of law arose, how, where-' fore, and whether, why, when, and what, whatsoever, whereas, and whereby, as the boat was not a compos mentis evidence, how could an oath be administered? That point was soon settled, by Boatum's attorney, declaring, that, for his client, he would swear any' thing.

The water-bailiff's charter was then read, taken out' of the original record, in true law Latin; which set forth, in their declaration, that they were carried away either by the tide of flood, or the tide of ebb. The charter of the water-bailiff was as follows: 66 Aquæ bailiffi est magistratus in choisi, super omnibus fishibus qui habuerunt finnos et scalos, claws, shells, et talos, qui swimmare in freshibus, vel saltibus riveris, lakis, pondis, canalibus, et well-boats; sive oysteri, prawni, whitini, shrimpi, turbutus solus" that is, not turbots alone,

but turbots and soals both together. But now comes the nicety of the law; the law is as nice as a newlaid egg, and not to be understood by adle-headed people. Bullum and Boatum mentioned both ebb and flood, to avoid quibbling; but, it being proved, that they were carried away neither by the tide of flood, nor by the tide of ebb, but exactly upon the top of high-water, they were nonsuited; but such was the lenity of the court, upon their paying all costs, they were allowed to begin again, de novo. Steven.

The Newcastle Apothecary.

A man in many a country town we know,
Professing openly with death to wrestle :
Entering the field against the grimly foe,
Arm'd with a mortar and a pestle.

Yet some affirm, no enemies they are,
But meet just like prize-fighters in a fair:
Who first shake hands before they box,
Then give each other plaguy knocks,
With all the love and kindness of a brother.
So,-many a suffering patient saith,—
Though the apothecary fights with death,
Still they're sworn friends to one another.
A member of this Esculapian line,
Lived at Newcastle-upon-Tyne:
No man could better gild a pill;

Or make a bill;

Or mix a draught, or bleed, or blister;
Or draw a tooth out of your head;
Or chatter scandal by your bed;

Or give a glister.

Of occupations these were quantum suff:
Yet still he thought the list not long enough:
And therefore midwifery he chose to pin to't.
This balanced things, for if he hurl'd

A few score mortals from the world,

He made amends by bringing others into't.

His fame full six miles round the country ran, T In short, in reputation he was solus 12, 103

5

All the old women call'd him "a fine man!"

His name was Bolus.

Benjamin Bolus, though in trade,

-Which oftentimes will genius fetter,

Read works of fancy it is said;

And cultivated the Belles Lettres.

And why should this be thought so odd?
Can't men have taste that cure a phthisic?
Of poetry though patron god,

Apollo patronises physic.

Bolus loved verse; and took so much delight in't,
That his prescriptions he resolved to write in't,
No opportunity he e'er let pass

Of writing the directions on his labels,
In dapper couplets-like Gay's Fables,
Or rather like the lines in Hudibras.

Apothecary's verse!-and where's the treason? 'Tis simple honest dealing;—not a crime; When patients swallow physic without reason,

It is but fair to give a little rhyme.

He had a patient lying at death's door,

Some three miles from the town-it might be four;
To whom one evening Bolus sent an article-
In pharmacy, that's call'd cathartical,

. And on the label of the stuff,

He wrote a verse;

Which one should think was clear enough,

And terse.

"When taken

To be well shaken."

Next morning early, Bolus rose ;
And to the patient's house he goes
Upon his pad,

Who a vile trick of stumbling had :
It was indeed a very sorry hack ;
But that's of course.

For what's expected from a horse
With an apothecary on his back?
Bolus arrived, and gave a double
Between a single and a double rap-

tap,

Knocks of this kind

Are given by gentlemen who teach to dance:
By fiddlers, and by opera singers:
One loud and then a little one behind
As if the knocker fell, by chance
Out of their fingers

The servant lets him in with dismal face,
Long as a courtier's out of place-

Portending some disaster:
John's countenance as rueful look'd and grim,
As if the Apothecary had physick'd him,

And not his master.

"Well, how's the patient?" Bolus said,

John shook his head,

"Indeed?—hum !—ha !—that's very odd, He took the draught?"—John gave a nod! "Well-how?-What then ?-Speak out you dunce." Why then," says John, we shook him once." "Shook him!-how ?" Bolus stammer'd out:

"We jolted him about."

"Zounds! shake a patient, man—a shake won't do.” "No, Sir-and so we gave him two."

Two shakes !-odds curse?

'Twould make the patient worse."

"It do so, Sir-and so a third we tried."

"Well, and what then?"- "Then, Sir; my master

died !"

The Three Warnings.

The tree of deepest root is found
Least willing still to quit the ground;
'Twas therefore said by ancient sages,

Colman.

That love of life increased with years
So much, that, in our latter stages,
When pains grow sharp, and sickness rages,
The greatest love of life appears.

This strong affection to believe
Which all confess, but few perceive,
If old assertions can't prevail,
Be pleased to hear a modern tale,

When sports went round, and all were gay
On neighbour Dobson's wedding day,

Death called aside the jocund groom,
With him into another room,

And looking grave, "You must," says he,
"Quit your sweet bride, and come with me.'
"With you! and quit my Susan's side!
With you!" the hapless husband cried:
Young as I am! 'tis monstrous hard:
Besides, in truth, I'm not prepared ; ·
My thoughts on other matters go;
This is my wedding-night you know.”
What more he urged, I have not heard;
His reasons could not well be stronger;
So death the poor delinquent spared,
And left to live a little longer.

Yet calling up a serious look,

His hour-glass trembled while he spoke,
"Neighbour," he said, " farewell: no more
Shall Death disturb your mirthful hour;
And farther, to avoid all blame

Of cruelty upon my name,

To give you time for preparation,
And fit
you for your future station,

Three several warnings you shall have,
Before you're summon'd to the grave;
Willing for once, I'll quit my prey,
And grant a kind reprieve;
In hopes you'll have no more to say;
But when I call again this way,

Well pleased the world will leave.
To these conditions both consented,
And parted perfectly contented.

What next the hero of our tale befell,
How long he lived, how wisely well;
How roundly he pursued his course,

And smoked his pipe, and stroked his horse, The willing muse shall tell:

He chaffer'd then, he bought, he sold,
Nor once perceived his growing old,
Nor thought of death as near;
His friends not false, his wife no shrew;
Many his gains, his children few,