Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

I was drawn, as most women probably are, to the descriptions of the different types of abusers. My spouse was described in eye-opening detail, right down to quotations of the things he commonly said to me. The author provided great insight into the root of abusive behavior, how abusive men really view their partners. As an abused partner, this book gave me such clarity, and equipped me with the information I needed to make a truly informed decision about whether or not to stay with my abuser.  

Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “I wanted him to hit rock bottom so bad that when someone would make a joke like ‘hey I got a friend who would hurt him’ I was taking him seriously.I wanted his car destroyed..I wanted him hurt so that he could be in the hospital…” ..” 4/15/06 #8420, Naranon Support at Yahoo Groups.
"...I put my son in harms way so many times by my driving or my yelling at him to get in the car faster so I could chase after Jason..I knew what I was doing was wrong and crazy…...I used to get so upset that I would yell at my son and I would drive erratically or couldnt' function or thought of all sorts of things to get back at him..” 4/15/06 #8420.
“…making me do crazy things or feel like doin crazy things…my crazy things usually involve driving two hours to RI…” 3/31/06 4:06 am.
”..I feel lke I might need to find an anger management program because whenI get hurt my anger tends to turn towards trying to kill the person…” 5/12/06 #8835.
Domestic Disturbance- Feb 15, 2012 Arrest: 12-2214-AR: PICILLO, ANGELIQUE C... Charges: A&B (Assault and Battery), DOB: 11/11/1979, 48 Janet St West Springfield, MA.
“…if J hadn’t called the cops on me and made upa story last year then I would have kept on callinghim and what not…even after that I still checked for himo n the internet anddroveto seehim at drag racing…basically there was no way to find out about him…I had checked on him so many times it’s like it called to me…” 7/5/06 #9833, Naranon Support at Yahoo.
Angelique Kindel (Picillo, Baker) “…forgetting what normal boundaries are…still to this day I forget…what’s normal…I am ALLOWED to want to talk to him…jesus crud…” 4/19/06 #8515.
Nov 7, 2012 – Angelique Picillo, 32, of 51 Ridgewood Terrace, was ARRESTED at home Monday at 6:30 a.m. on a warrant... Gazette Net, Easthampton MA.
“excuse me for saying so but I do have a degree in domestic violence and addiction... I could never write a book on being an abuser or wht they are thinkin i really don't get it... I have been through dv over and over so I can say I understand it and write a book on that…” Lundy Bancroft • April 7, 2012 at 10:19pm • WHEN HIS PUT-DOWNS SOUND TRUE…facebook.
”..im suprised at myself that when I was mad at him i just said I was mad and didnt' try to attack and kill him....so I've made progress..” 5/16/06 #8933, Naranon Support at Yahoo Groups.
Angelique Picillo (Baker, Kindel) “..I appreciate your candidness about wanting to punch him, in my case I have..and it got me no where..” 5/1/06 #8706.
“…I am VERY confrontational when I think the wool is being pulled over my eyes…he had run away the week before…I basically forced him into buying me something cause to me it mean that her would be around…” 3/26/06 #7970.
“…I personally had a bad car accident andeveryweek fora monthhad amniocentisis to see if the lungs were ready so he could come out…”.
“…when I had my c-section, they wouldn’t give me anything. I had to fight and fight and they finally gave me morphine pills which did nothing…the only thing that would work was morphine IV…I have morphine in my cabinet right now…” 3/29/06 2:30 am #8075.
“…I’ve been scared of him…not physically but…I don’t wnat to live in fear if my partner will be there for me I want a lot of things in life andI don’t want ot wonder if I’ll be able to get them…” 6/15/06 #9524.
“…myhusband,jeremiah, things got bad between us, and I kepttellinghim and he was cold and callous I said one day, that I felt like I would cheat on him…in telling Jason this story he said if I ever said that to him he would die and wouldn’t let me go…well I’ve said it several times to him and he hears nothing…” 6/4/06 #9266.
“…at one point I went into his back accoutn and transfer some moeny out…well he put a stop payment on it and now he’s mad at me I went into his bank account, kept pointing out how illegal it was…” 4/13/07 #13666 

Picking this up tomorrow....should be helpful considering what I'm going through right now. Thought that my husband had a mental illness and was seeking help for him and us. My kids and I got out and now we are in the courts dealing with it. One of the threats was "that wont hold up well in court" so I began to journal. So glad that I did.
Thank you 

For a professional field that values degrees and certifications. Lundy Bancroft has No degree, no certifications, no license, and no research cited in most of his books. Just saying!  His writings are trash and do harm to many innocent men. He is a fraud! You do the reaerch and you will figure out the truth 

I have been reading about emotional abuse here and there for over the last 6 months. And even after all information I read before, I still had a lot of doubts and unanswered questions.
This book not only does a lot of explanation, but also gives a lot of examples from other people lives. Just like it says in the book itself, I watched the pieces of a pazzl fall into their places.
I have not finished reading it yet, but already feel empowered.
PLEASE BE AWARE OF THE NEGATIVE REVIEW LISTED HERE FROM ONE OF TGE ABUSERS. I am not familiar with the person who wrote it, his review put serious doubts in my mind if I should read this book, but now I see how he twisted all the information to mislead people who desperately need it.
The only reason I give this book a 4 star review and not 5, is because I wish it was more from a Christian pint of view. I could only imagine how many Christian families suffer results of abuse and consider it normal, because such phrases as "a woman should be submissive", "a woman is a subject to a man" and etc are used from the bible out of contexts to empower more subtle and incidious control over a woman.
I think this is one of the biggest reasons that I was in this unhealthy marriage for such a long time. I heard once, bible is used by pimps to control their women. I can see now, how the Holy God and the Bible were used to manipulate and control me. 

i have read your book cover to cover highlighting various areas. i am confused in that my wife calls me ego filled. i thought ego meant high esteem. she doesnt tell me what the problem is and she referrs to it as abuse. never have hit her or demeamed her, her personal verbal abuse toward me is vulger smears toward me till she gets her way. ie money, furniture or whatever else she feels she is entitled to at that moment. abuse is a dangerous word and she uses it on a regular basis. encouraged her to go into therapy with me and her only comment was that i was a horses ass and got up and left. never went back. i wonder why she even went. what does one do with this type of response which was to open dialog to get us talking. cannot deal with a closed mind. even though i accept some of the blame can i assume that some of comments comes from her OCD which causes her not to look at me directly and start counting things in the room. lost in the translation of your book since it does not cover ego or am i not understanding the word itself????? 

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
- reviewed by 'Literal Abuse', Liverpool
I'm not sure I agree with one reviewer's assertion that the author doesn't give some of the 'why's' BUT I do agree that it's a book with very little hope offered for the victim or the abuser to repair the relationship. I have been accused of abuse by my ex-beloved and this book and a couple of others have been given to me as 'proof'. They have both left me with the clear impression that once one is accused of abuse there 's nothing one can do. Denial is proof. Looking for reasons in the relationship itself is proof. Searching for triggers is proof. It's a damned if you accept the accusation, damned if you don't scenario. It posits that the woman's feelings/suspicions are 100% accurate and that she doesn't need to evaluate her psychological background at all. Any attempt by the man to do so is also classed as abuse (denial of her felings and therefore her whole being). The saddest thing is that any hopes of a reconciliation are now impossible as those books have locked her in the mindset that I am beyond redemption. I've never been accused of abuse before even by my ex-wife whom I divorced after 25 years of married life. My 5 children don't see me that way. But of course abusers' other relationships are always fake-fine, so the book says, so that is impermissable evidence. It just so happens that my recent partner whom I call my true love was in an abusive marriage for 25 years invoving real violence e.g. punching in the stomach while pregnant, her self-defence with a razor blade inflicting a 19 stitch wound on her ex-husband and constant verbal abuse as he descended into alcoholism. She got so angry with me once she actually bit my face. However, if I dare to sympathetically suggest, as I used to, that she might be a little 'sensitive' because of her experiences, that, according to Lundy and co. is merely another proof and example of my abuser persona. I think 'witch-hunting' would not be too strong a word for the mindset espoused by this book. Any man suspected finds himself trying desperately to keep his head above the flood of accusations. If he accepts them he goes under and his normal life is over; if he resists, the book suggests his partner burns him. Actual guilt or innocence is immaterial. I would say this book and it's kin are dangerous material for relationships. That's not to say abusive relationships don't exist. I cited one above. But after reading these books I'm now feeling abused myself. And, what's worse, I've lost my love for ever. 

This book was heartbreakingly accurate. I am saddened by its revelations. If felt as if the author must know my estranged husband and I personally. I am facing facts and losing all hope of salvaging my marriage, but I am growing and learning. This book has helped me deal what has happened and realize it is not healthy to hold on to something that is killing me. I suggest it be on every woman's must read list. Even if your relationship is a healthy one there are undoubtedly people in your life living in an abusive relationship. The insights into abuse will help even those who are blessed not to live in abusive relationship better understand both the abuser and the victim. I highly recommend this book.  

This book is a bunch of crap and is only written from a womans point of view... Where is the sequel? Why Does She Do That? Society still places the woman in a relationship to be the victim of abuse. Women are just as likely to be controlling, abusive, intimidating, etc. in any relationship.
This book is full of shit and written from the eyes of a woman. Go figure! There has to be a negative rating scale for this book! 

This is one of the best books I read in my life. I want to thank the author, Lundy Bancroft for giving all the woman the opportunity to know and have an insight in the problem of abuse, what it is about and what can we do to live abuse free. I will recomend this book not only to women involved in domestic violence or in any kind of abusive relatioships, but I will recommend it to every women. It is informative and it explains a lot about our culture and the way the world see the roles of man and women. I think the key to stop abuse is to educate ourselves in the subject and educate our children, eventually this knowledge will be the best weapon against dv. Thanks again to all the man and women that work to learn more about this subject and to give us an opportunity to have better lifes. God bless you.